Hey, i will be completely honest, the same type of thing happened to me too. Not 100% because it was with alcohol and not a relapse, but more like i went a bit overboard and it got in the way of my getting things done. I was too fucked up to do rituals and even clean my aura or anything. I woke up feeling shitty in more ways than one, knowing that i had just done something stupid. I realize that yes, maybe some fellow brothers and sisters may look down upon me for that type of thing, but really there is no reason to care what others think. Even though we are all like family, we are individual and we all have our own struggles. One should not judge another just because they made a mistake. I am not judging you because you relapsed and are in this pit. Instead, i feel for you. It is not enjoyable and it is definitely not just you and your own thoughts. When you think about it, the enemy takes every chance they can to mess with you and break you down and beat yourself up. They will try to turn you against family, friends, and even yourself. They work to drive you insane to the point you don't know what is what anymore. I know from experience and i am glad i have learned from it and i know you will too. It is a psychological challenge especially when you know what you did was wrong and was a mistake. But know this, there is a good chance that you may have been a little out of control when you decided to smoke again. The enemy can put thoughts into you head and even influence you. Sometimes they try to influence me to not meditate and do rituals but i began to notice their pattern. They may have been noticing that you were getting stronger and they wanted to stop you in your tracks. One thing i know for sure is that when you are under the influence, you are vulnerable. They used it against you and were able to break through any barrier you built up and attacked you. They will do things like this especially in this time of war. Through doing the rituals, we are making impact, so they will do everything in their power to tear you apart in any way possible. It seems that they got to you on a matter that goes deep for you. Even though you did smoke, and you are angry about it, it is best to just let it go. Forgive yourself because that was in the past. No matter how long ago it was even if you did something 5 minutes ago you weren't proud of, you can always change what you are doing in the present so you can change your future. It is not the end, and you are NOT weak!! Weed has that effect that will make you unmotivated, feel weak and unable to act, and can weaken your will. So it is not you that is weak, but it is a false feeling instilled by the drug and the enemy who used this as an opportunity. They can get into your head and go deep and personal and use anything against you. Its hardest at first, but then over time it becomes easier to counter it and not be effected. I've had some very fucked up dreams and thoughts and images in my head and i know they weren't mine. They were put there by the enemy to try and weaken me. But i never gave in and accepted defeat. Take control!! This is your life and your mind and it is not for anybody else to claim and take control of. Tell that shit voice in your head to fuck off!! I do it all the time because i am constantly under attack. Focus on void and whenever you feel that hatred for yourself, remember that it is not you that is fucking up, but the enemy influencing you to do so. Most of the time that a mistake like that is made is not because of you, but because of enemy influence. They got to you at some point and they wish to stop you. So fuck them! Take that anger at yourself and direct it to the enemy. Even if it was a struggle to do a ritual, at least you did it! It doesn't make you weak to struggle to do something important. I'm sorry this is so long, but i can relate and even in different ways, so i've learned to not dwell on such things. So what, you made a mistake. We all make mistakes, but it doesn't mean we're weak or worthless or losers. It just means that somewhere along the lines something went wrong. But even though that happened, you've gotta move on. Love yourself no matter what and know that Father Satan is very understanding. He may have expectations for us, but failure is all a part of success. I know you will get through this and get stronger. This is just a learning experience and it will pass. Do some void meditation to block out unwanted thoughts and feelings and when things seem really bad, do something you love and get your mind off everything. Then go back and face what you do not wish to face, and analyze the situation. What went wrong? What can i do next time? What will i do now that will impact what is to come later? Have faith in yourself and in Satan and know that this is not an easy path. Life is already hard enough, but we see things for what they are so it can make it even more difficult. But no matter what, through hard times and struggle, we can learn. Learn from our mistakes, and get stronger. Over time, you will build a tolerance to enemy attacks and bullshit, and you will be able to mentally handle anything. Its not easy, but Satan shows us that anything is possible. So there is no need to worry about feeling alienated or resented by your own brothers and sisters. We all may have our own things we are struggling with, and this is just something you are having a problem with. It is understandable and i know how you feel. We are here for you and we should all just unite, no matter what. It shouldn't matter that a mistake was made or that someone has certain flaws, because we are still learning. We are growing and advancing and everyone has negative experiences. Its about picking ourselves back up and moving forward. These feelings you have will pass. Through going through this and the fact that even though you wanted to stop yourself from posting this, you still did, will bring you strength. You showed that even though your mind told you no, you had the willpower to post it anyway. Now apply that to your situation. You can will yourself to stop beating yourself up. Take those negative feelings and vent them however you see fit. I personally like to workout, train in martial arts, and do rituals to relieve rage anger and sadness. The more you push yourself to do something and to keep moving forward, the more you will get the ball rolling and get it all together. I believe in you no matter what it is you did. I know that no matter what, you have what it takes to act in the present so that you can change your future. Manifest what you wish and brush this off. It is not the end of the world because you made a mistake. You must be strong, never give up, persuvere , have an indomitable spirit. The strength is there, you just have to see it in yourself. Look deep, and you will find that you are so much better than you give yourself credit for. You will forever be changing and growing and this is just a short amount of time compared to your whole lifetime. As long as you are alive and breathing, there is still time to change. You can do anything, even if you need to use your powers to enhance yourself, go for it. Use the runes and program them to help benefit you. It will help you, and through helping yourself, you will become even more of a help to Father Satan because when you are stable and strong, you can fight back even harder and better the universe. Life is about bettering yourself and the universe, so don't beat yourself up. You can still get better and still get stronger, this is just a learning experience. Again i apologize for the length of this, but i honestly feel where you are coming from.and i just want you to know that things will get better, i've had a lot of negative experiences due to the enemy, but now i am seeing their patterns and have learned and gotten stronger to the point where i can tell when something is up and i can pinpoint exactly what is going on and what i can do to fight back and reverse what is being done to me in order to keep moving on and stay strong in this and continue living my life and fighting for a big cause. I know you can do this too! This is just one slip up, but you can get past it and keep living life to the fullest and become the best version of yourself possible! You shape who you wish to be so do it and never give up!!
HAIL SATAN!!!
Hail Satan 
