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My givin name by my christian parents is Shayne which means "God is gracious". I am wondering if anyone knows a good way to make a new name for myself that doesn't revolve around this christian figure

Recenly I posted somthing saying I have been blind But on this night I did the cleaning like I was advised to do but not only that I have completed the dedication ritual, I feel him in everything I see and I meditated in a deep trance for about an hour 52 minutes to be presice, I already have...

Everytime I try to get in a trance I get very angery and full of doubt a little voice in the back of my head says "you're a failure, you cannot do anything right, you're worthless". and it's followed by extreme hatred and anger, everytime I try to vizualize or feel energy I cannot how can I...